What DYT Has Done For Me, Part 2 - Discovering My Wings

 I took a deep breath and clicked on the button to choose the Type 1 course.  And with that one little click, my whole world changed.


Ok, yes, I realize how melodramatic that sounds.  But it's true.  I didn't even realize at first just how true.  And it really isn't about the fashion, either - that's really just the icing on the cake.  It's new insights and breakthroughs I've had about myself that are truly exciting.

The first breakthrough I had was in trying to wrap my head around the idea that I really truly am a Type 1.  Type 1 is bright, animated, upward, light, airy, random, extroverted, bubbly, enthusiastic, cute, generating ideas.  Type 2 is soft, subtle, gentle, calm, flowing, introverted, sensitive, graceful, elegant, planning details.  How could I possibly be both?  What I needed to remember is that there is a range of levels of motion within each movement, and my unique expression is influenced by my secondary energy, my life experiences, and lots of other things unique to *me*.  I am not a "textbook" Type 1 - what I call bouncy balls and fireworks.  Rather, I describe my energy as "a dreamer, head in the clouds" energy.  It is still a very light, airy, full of ideas energy - but it also has a soft, gentle, graceful element to it.  Think Belle in Disney's Beauty & the Beast.  Thinking of it in that way allowed me to start to truly accept and embrace this part of my nature in a way I hadn't been able to before.

The second breakthrough I had came when I wasn't even expecting it.  Doesn't it often happen that way?  Since Type 1's are so animated and enthusiastic, it is common for us to feel like we need to be more serious, or tone down our brightness so we will be taken seriously.  I'd heard and read that in several places, but it never seemed to apply to me until the word responsibility came up in a separate conversation.  I haven't felt that I needed to be more serious, but I have definitely felt I needed to be (more?) grown up / responsible.  There were some pretty traumatic circumstances and events going on for most of my childhood, and as the oldest of my siblings, I ended up taking on a lot of responsibility at a very young age.  Also, and I had never even realized this before, I think I developed a belief that in the middle of all that hurting, it wasn't ok to ever *not* feel that pain.  I wish someone had told me then - "It's ok to feel hurt and sad and scared and angry.  It's good to feel those things.  But it's also ok and good to have fun and feel happy sometimes.  It's ok to just be a little girl.  Feeling happy doesn't mean that you don't still have all those other feelings, or that you don't care about the things that are happening to you and your family, or that those things don't matter.  It's not a betrayal to the people you love.  You don't have to carry this huge weight and burden all the time."  For years, I have felt like I've been living under a cloud.  I have been!  A cloud of belief that says "Life hurts.  People betray you.  You don't have any power.  Happiness is for the people who "have".  You are one of the "have-nots".  Wow!  No wonder I've struggled with depression!  What hopeless limiting beliefs!

Now I am replacing those beliefs with


It is ok to have fun.  I can be responsible and have fun too.  They are not mutually exclusive.  


Life can be fun.  


Work can be fun.  


I don't have to wait for work to make work fun - *I* can make work fun.


I can make work fun by *being* fun.


I can make work fun by being fun by being *me*.


Wow.  These are messages that are striking down to the very core of who I am.  They are heart beliefs, central to everything I think, feel, say, do, whether I'm aware of it or not.  Changing these deep beliefs has and will have a ripple effect.  Already, in just a few days, I feel so much more confident, less stressed, less anxious, free.  And it shows; I've had multiple people comment on it.  I told my sister yesterday that I feel like I've forgotten how to have fun (or maybe I never even knew to begin with) and I am just figuring it out again.  It's a revelation that fills me with awe, wonder, and excitement.

I feel like a flower blossoming.

Or like a dragonfly, just emerging from the cocoon and discovering my wings.  I have the whole sky to explore, and I can't wait to see where the wind will take me.

Ready for a New Year

Well, I don't know if I'm really ready or not, but it doesn't matter because it's almost here either way.  ; )  I have been thinking on and off this week about what I want to do next year.  Not resolutions, really, just things I want to do.  I'm sure I could come up with a really long list if I sat down and really thought about it, but I just wanted to share a few of the most important things.  In no particular order -

* Read more.  I used to read a lot, not so much anymore.  Adults have less free time, I suppose, and more demands on it.  Remember when you were a kid and you thought when you were grown up you could always do just whatever you wanted?  Yeah, I wish!

* Write more.  Especially here, but could also be journaling or maybe even actually starting to write some of the stories in my head.  Which have been there forever.  Wouldn't that be something!

* Take more pictures!  And share them!

* Start dressing my truth, and more importantly, LIVING it. 

* Keep my etsy shop stocked.  I have an idea for what I'm hoping will be my main product line, so watch for that to be coming in January!

* Most of all - STRESS LESS, ENJOY MORE.   That applies to everything, and it's a tall order, and it won't happen all at once.  But I think it's a good one.  ; )

I guess I also want to look back a little bit at some of the good points about 2010.  Maybe I should have done that first, oh well.  I think so much of the time, I feel so dreary, it becomes hard for me to remember or even see the good bits, but I am gradually working at changing that.  So I will reflect on the good things about this  year, and have this to look back on instead of the bad things.  : )

One thing I'm really proud of is that I launched DragonfliiMama Designs, and even had a sale!  I have been talking about doing that for years, so even though it is still definitely in baby stages, it's becoming a reality, which is amazing to me. 

I'm also amazed at how much crochet I have done in the past year.  It was in fall of 2009 that I picked up crocheting for the 3rd time and really took off with it - and boy did I take off with it!  I probably ought to sit down and count up how many projects I actually finished in 2010.  I know I have a few projects that didn't get finished, and a few ideas along the way that got discarded for whatever reason, but I really have accomplished a lot.  Funny to think that for all the years when I didn't have a baby complicating my crafting time, I never really managed to do very much.  And now that I do, I have done so much - I think it's safe to say I probably finished more projects in 2010 than in the last 2-3 years before that combined.  At least.  Wow!

And of course, there's G-Unit.  (grumble grumble.  Oh fine, we'll keep the nickname.  *roll eyes*)  He is growing up to be such a sweet little bundle of toddler boy.  LOL.  Looking at him now, it's hard to remember he's the same tiny frail little thing we brought home from the hospital.  He is strong and healthy, and his growth and development are both excellent.  It's scary to think of how many complications or delays he could have given his start in life, and he really doesn't have any.  We definitely have our moments around here, toddlers are not always easy to keep up with or  have patience for.  But I just need to remember to have realistic expectations for his age - he's 1 and a half for goodness sakes!  And that it's a season which he will grow out of all too soon, so I need to enjoy it while it's here.  Before I know it, he'll be on to the next season, growing up, with new challenges and new excitements, and the ones we have today will be gone.  And really, doesn't that apply to all of life?

So what about you?  What did you especially enjoy about 2010?  What are you looking forward to in 2011?

Treasure these moments, the ones now and here,
Cling to them tightly and count them as dear,
In wishing for something else, waste not a one,
Rather, even in sadness, seek out the sun.
A moment is not either good or bad,
It's not in itself either happy or sad,
Instead it is both, and the point to be made,
is what you choose to take with you, and what you let fade,
The greatest of joys, you can choose not to see,
if you're focusing on all your misery,
The greatest offense, you can choose to let go,
making room in your heart for new joys to grow. 
Don't worry about tomorrow, time for that when it comes,
Don't worry about yesterday, it's over and done,
This season of life, this moment, this day,
This is the stuff from which memories are made.
So treasure these moments, the ones now and here,
Cling to them tightly and count them as dear.